So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
