You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
