as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
smell my finger.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
