the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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