they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
