Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i drank out of a bidet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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