Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
