he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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