Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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