She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
