"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
