physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
