No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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