I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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