proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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