I think my fart just growled at me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
