I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
