So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
