conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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