So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
