I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was like eating out sand paper
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
