We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
