he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
