i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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