I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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