just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
