At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
