dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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