"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
