I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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