i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
