dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
