Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
