boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
