is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
