boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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