I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
