she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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