There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
