Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
