meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
