your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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