im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it hurts more in the daytime
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
