Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
