my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
