he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Watching her eat just hurts me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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