If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
