Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
