I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
