Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
