i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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