i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
