dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We talked him into tasing himself.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
